What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
