I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
