i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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