Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
