ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
