i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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