Apparently you make a good broom.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize