I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
