i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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