Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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