we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
