This is not my ceiling
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's great music for shaving your balls
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
