let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
