I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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