Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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