Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
