Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
