If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
