i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
