hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
