it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
