I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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