Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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