Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
