The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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