There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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