apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just invented taco cereal.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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