So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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