just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
