Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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