u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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