i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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