As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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