i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
