The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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