Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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