Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
