Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
