Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
