Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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