The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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