worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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