Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
