I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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