Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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