The maid of honor just puked.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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