Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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