Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
