the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
