I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
