I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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