were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I will pee on everything he values.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
