at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I still have a little drunk in my system
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
