I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
