I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
