I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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