When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
