Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
