On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
honey bunches of taint.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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