i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
