I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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