Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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