You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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