and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
