were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
