Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
