I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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