I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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